Dear Everyone,
This may be the last post for a while. I'll try to be clear and concise about my thoughts. The summary of everything is this: For the time being I am giving up, I feel like life is going great, but my dream is not going great and I can't keep chasing something I'm so far away from while my family suffers and I avoid becoming a provider for my family.
Now here's further explanation:
I'm giving up for now. Maybe it'll happen in the future and maybe it won't. I'm not going to stop running and I'm not going to stop training. That's something I really enjoy and something I know is really healthy, but my current times are so far away from the qualifying times and my current training has been poor to the point that I don't want to continue. I will never say it's impossible, but for now in my life it's not right. Or at least that's what I am choosing.
I need to provide. My wife has been one of my best supporters, but I've been working part-time, living in my parent's basement (which is a very nice basement, don't get me wrong) and barely making ends meet, and I, by myself, independent of any person (which I think is the way it had to go) came to the realization that I am unintentionally making my family suffer while I pursue a selfish dream. I would like to convince myself it's for good reasons, but really it's not. So I need to work more, get out of debt and provide better which is what I'll be doing with my time.
Idaho Falls. Moving here has been not only right, but the best decision for my family. I have seen several reasons why moving here was awesome. One of the principal reasons being that I have really enjoyed working at Teton Running for several reasons and I feel like it's where I need/want to be for the time being.
It seems like God has shown me that what I have been wanting to do for a long time is not really what I want to do. I am grateful for that. I'm also frustrated, but more grateful than frustrated.
That's all for now, I love you.
Sincerely,
Caleb Scoville
This may be the last post for a while. I'll try to be clear and concise about my thoughts. The summary of everything is this: For the time being I am giving up, I feel like life is going great, but my dream is not going great and I can't keep chasing something I'm so far away from while my family suffers and I avoid becoming a provider for my family.
Now here's further explanation:
I'm giving up for now. Maybe it'll happen in the future and maybe it won't. I'm not going to stop running and I'm not going to stop training. That's something I really enjoy and something I know is really healthy, but my current times are so far away from the qualifying times and my current training has been poor to the point that I don't want to continue. I will never say it's impossible, but for now in my life it's not right. Or at least that's what I am choosing.
I need to provide. My wife has been one of my best supporters, but I've been working part-time, living in my parent's basement (which is a very nice basement, don't get me wrong) and barely making ends meet, and I, by myself, independent of any person (which I think is the way it had to go) came to the realization that I am unintentionally making my family suffer while I pursue a selfish dream. I would like to convince myself it's for good reasons, but really it's not. So I need to work more, get out of debt and provide better which is what I'll be doing with my time.
Idaho Falls. Moving here has been not only right, but the best decision for my family. I have seen several reasons why moving here was awesome. One of the principal reasons being that I have really enjoyed working at Teton Running for several reasons and I feel like it's where I need/want to be for the time being.
It seems like God has shown me that what I have been wanting to do for a long time is not really what I want to do. I am grateful for that. I'm also frustrated, but more grateful than frustrated.
That's all for now, I love you.
Sincerely,
Caleb Scoville
I love you too. You are awesome.
ReplyDeleteI admire your reasoning and decision.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know you but I've been following your blog for a long time. I think since it started... anyway, I just wanted to say how much of an inspiration you've been to me. I'm not a runner, nor do I want to be, but the values and ideas behind what you are doing are what inspire me. I admire your decision to work on supporting your family but I hope you haven't lost that spark of "running fearless". To me, it's not the actual goal that matters as much the spirit/means/process of working towards something, even if that something changes. I hope you continue to run fearless in every aspect of your life, regardless if physically running is included.
ReplyDeleteThanks Caleb! It's been an amazing adventure following your story. I never doubted you, but I am proud of your decision. You are putting one dream on the back-burner to focus on the most important dream of all! Best of luck to you man!
ReplyDeleteCaleb, you're great! Your friends and family are lucky to have you around.
ReplyDeleteCaleb, sorry I didn't see this before now but I hope you're doing well. You'll do great and achieve your dreams someday! You're still an inspiration and a great person!
ReplyDelete